CHURCH-----SIGNS
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday." "How will you spend eternity--Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins." " God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
"Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!" " Come in and Pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
"In the dark, follow the Son." "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd." "This is a Ch---ch. What is missing?"
"If your headed the wrong direction, God allows U turns." " If you don't like the way you were born try being born again."
COMIC SAYINGS
Its in the Bible
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS."
Drawing God
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
Man leaving Church
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and
Easter?"
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."
Fishing
A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat
not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty
located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water
and in the same matter, came back to the boat after he was finished. A
little later, the priest had to make the trip also. He got out of the
boat, walked across the water, visited the bathroom and in the same
manner, came back to the boat. Still later, the rabbi needed to go ashore.
He got out of the boat and immediately sank. The pastor looked at the
priest and said,
"Do you think we ought to tell him where the rocks are?"
Little Johnny
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was
standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of
the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the
plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood
beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good
morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his
eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the
service", replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together
staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked
quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
CHILDREN LOVE YOUR DAD AND MOM WITH ALL YOUR HEART.
Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents in the LORD: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth"
LITTLE EMMA'S LOVE FOR OUR LORD AND SAVIOR
